he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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