i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
