i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
