PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
