Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
