I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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