Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
