Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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