I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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