sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
