Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
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He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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