you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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