In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
