I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
