Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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