Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
