I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
