i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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