i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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