So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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