im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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