Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
