chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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