WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
