New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
