Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
