Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
