Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
