I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
