All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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