in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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