you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
