i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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