i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
And then he peed in my hair
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