I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
