So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
