Just took my morning after pill in the library
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
