Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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