his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
