plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
