Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
