i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
3pm strippers are depressing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
