Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
