Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
