My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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