Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
