i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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