did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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