i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
