Taylor Swift is so right about you.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
