his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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