My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
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