last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
is wine microwaveable?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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