he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize