do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
