I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
