Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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