I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
