My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
