he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
