I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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