Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
