i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
