I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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