My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
