I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
