I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
