At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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