Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
