woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
