i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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