A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
