you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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